Reflection 23 May 2015 - FOR AA

SPIRITUAL HEALTH

When the spiritual malady is overcome, we straighten out mentally and physically.

— ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 64

It is very difficult for me to come to terms with my spiritual illness because of my great pride, disguised by my material successes and my intellectual power. Intelligence is not incompatible with humility, provided I place humility first. To seek prestige and wealth is the ultimate goal for many in the modern world. To be fashionable and to seem better than I really am is a spiritual illness.

To recognize and to admit my weaknesses is the beginning of good spiritual health. It is a sign of spiritual health to be able to ask God every day to enlighten me, to recognize His will, and to have the strength to execute it. My spiritual health is excellent when I realize that the better I get, the more I discover how much help I need from others.

Reference:

http://www.aa.org/pages/en_US/daily-reflection

Twelve Steps - 12 Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous - Hazelden -- Hazelden

Twelve Steps - 12 Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous - Hazelden -- Hazelden

The Twelve Steps

12 Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous

Step One - We admitted we were powerless over alcohol--that our lives had become unmanageable.

Step Two - Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.

Step Three - Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.

Step Four - Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.

Step Five - Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.

Step Six - Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.

Step Seven - Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.

Step Eight - Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.

Step Nine - Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.

Step Ten - Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.

Step Eleven - Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.

Step Twelve - Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to alcoholics, and to practice these principles in all our affairs.

reference:

http://www.hazelden.org/web/public/twelvesteps.page date accessed 23 May 2015

One Day At a Time [Live] - Approach

Home > The Complex Nature of Addiction and Recovery > One day at a Time in Recovery

One day at a Time in Recovery

A Sensible Approach in Recovery

Humans spend too much time focused on the future or the past. Most of the things that people waste their time worrying about in the future will never happen. Spending too much time focused on the past is also unhelpful because what’s done is done. It just makes more sense that people should try to live one day at a time. This does not mean having a cavalier attitude towards the future, just that people have a more balanced approach. Living in the day can be particular important for people who are recovering from an addiction. If they try to take on too much at one time it might lead to disaster. One day at a time is a sensible approach in recovery.

One Day at a Time and the 12 Steps

The one day at a time philosophy is most associated with12 step groups such as Alcoholics Anonymous. It is often claimed that the person at an AA meeting with the longest sobriety is the one who got up earliest that morning. This further reminds newcomers that it is only really possible to stay sober for 24 hours. This is because the group does not believe in a cure for addiction. There is only a daily reprieve dependent on practicing the program. The AA member does not need to worry about staying sober for the rest of their life. Instead, they only have to make it through the next 24 hours.

The Just for Today Card

The _just for today card_ is often read out at 12 step meetings. It includes a several commitments that people pledge themselves to stick to over the next 24 hours. It includes the intention to:

* Live through just one day and not try to deal with all of life’s problems at once.
* Commit to being happy for the next 24 hours.
* Promise to learn new things and strengthen the mind.
* Commit to do things for other people and act in an agreeable manner
* Follow a recovery program with as much effort as possible
* Commit to take at least 30 minutes for relaxation and quite reflection
* The promise to enjoy life and not be afraid of things

The Importance of Dealing with One Day at a Time in Recovery

These are some compelling reasons for people in recovery to concern themselves with just dealing with one day at a time:

* The idea of giving up alcohol and drugs forever can be an overwhelming idea for alcoholics. They are not required to make such a commitment. They just have to avoid drinking or using drugs for the next 24 hours. They can just stop for one day and this will lead to months and eventually years of sobriety.
* Trying to deal with all of life’s problems at one time is overwhelming. It makes much more sense to simply deal with the today’s problems. Tomorrow’s battles can be worried about when the time comes. If people only concern themselves with the problems, they are less likely to have too much on their plate.
* Most of the things that people worry about in the future are never going to happen. They are thereforejust getting stressed and worrying about these events unnecessarily. Staying focused on the present is a powerful way to avoid unnecessary worry.
* It is only possible to find happiness in this moment. The song _Beautiful Boy, Darling Boy by John Lennonsays, life is what happens to you while you’re busy making other plans. Too many people spend their time focused on the future, and this means that they miss all the joy that is available right now. Being caught in the future becomes a habit it leads to a great deal of dissatisfaction with life.

Living one day at a time does not mean that people should ignore the future. They should still plan for their retirement and keep money aside for a rainy day. The advice is that people should avoid being too focused on the future, particularly about things that are unknowable.

Mindfulness and Living in the Moment

A wonderful technique that can help people be fully present in the moment is mindfulness meditation. This is a technique that involves purposefully paying attention to the present moment in a non-judgmental manner. This means that they are not caught up with thoughts about the future or the past. Mindfulnessmeditation has become popular with people who are recovering from an addiction. It makes living one day at a time almost effortless.

Objections to the One Day at a Time Philosophy

Groups such as Rational Recovery reject the idea that it is only possible for people to commit themselves to staying sober for the next 24 hours. Members of this program consider their addiction over. They would view the idea of a daily reprieve as dangerous thinking, because it reinforces the notion that the individual is an alcoholic.

Share this:

source:

http://alcoholrehab.com/addiction-recovery/one-day-at-a-time-in-recovery/, date accessed 23 May 2015

One day at a time sweet Jesus

Lyrics:

I'm only human, I'm just a man/woman

Help me believe in what I could be

And all that I am

Show me the stairway I have to climb

Lord for my sake, help me to take

One day at a time

One day at a time sweet Jesus

That's all I'm askin' of you

Just give me the strength

To do every day what I have to do

Yesterday's gone sweet Jesus

And tomorrow may never be mine

Lord, help me today, show me the way

One day at a time

Do you remember when you walked among men

Well Jesus you know

If you're lookin' below, it's worse now than then

Pushin' and shovin' and crowdin' my mind

So for my sake, teach me to take

One day at a time

One day at a time sweet Jesus

That's all I'm askin' of you

Just give me the strength

To do every day what I have to do

Yesterday's gone sweet Jesus

And tomorrow may never be mine

Lord, help me today, show me the way

One day at a time

One day at a time (lyrics)

Abraham Hicks. Dealing with anger and going to higher vibration

Abraham Hicks~ control your feeling

ADDICTION AND RECOVERY LIFE SKILL 1

Help for the Family

"Addiction destroys families as much as it destroys individuals. Living with an addict is both heartbreaking and exhausting. Family members are torn between how to help the addict and how to avoid being sucked into the addict’s world.

Here are some helpful suggestions that I have found over the years of working with addicts and their families. I hope they can help you.

Things You Can Do For the Addict

• Educate yourself on addiction and recovery.
• Try not to accuse or judge. Avoid name calling. This is a difficult time for both of you.
• Provide a sober environment that reduces triggers for using.
• Allow the addict time to go to meetings.
• Understand that your lives will change. Do not wish for your old life back. Your old life to some extent is what got you here. You both need to create a new life where it is easier to not use alcohol or drugs.
• Make sure that you both have time for fun. People use alcohol and drugs to relax, escape, and as a reward. The addict needs to find alternative ways to relax, escape, and as a reward otherwise they will turn back to their addiction.
• Do not enable. Do not provide excuses or cover up for the addict.
• Do not shield the addict from the consequences of their addiction. People are more likely to change if they have suffered enough negative consequences.
• Set boundaries that you all agree on. The goal of boundaries is to improve the health of the family as a whole. Do not use boundaries to punish or shame.
• If you want to provide financial support, buy the goods and services the addict needs instead of giving them money that they might use to buy alcohol or drugs.
• Recognize and acknowledge the potential the addict has within them.
• Behave exactly as you would if your loved one had a serious illness. What would you do if they were diagnosed with heart disease or cancer?

Things You Can Do For Yourself

• Take care of yourself. Living with an addict is exhausting. You also need time to recover.
• Avoid self-blame. You can’t control another person’s decisions, and you can’t force them to change.
• Do not work harder than the person you’re trying to help. The best approach is to not do things for the addict, but instead to be an example of balance and self-care.
• Being a caretaker is not good for you or the addict. Understand that there is only so much you can do to change another person.
• Ask for help. Talk to a professional. Go to a support group such as Al-Anon. (More support groups are listed below.)
• Do not argue or try to discuss things with the addict when they are under the influence. It won’t get you anywhere.
• If at all possible, try not to be negative when dealing with the addict. That may only increase their feelings of guilt and push them further into using.

The Three C’s of Dealing with an Addict

• You didn't Cause the addiction.

• You can't Control the addiction.

• You can't Cure the addiction.

“You can’t stop drinking or using for another person.”

Helpful Links for Family and Friends of Addicts

• Al-Anon.org (al-anon.org) For family members of alcoholics.
• Nar-anon (nar-anon.org) For family members of addicts.
• Gam-anon (gam-anon.org) For family members of gamblers."
• Gam-anon (gam-anon.org) For family members of gamblers.
• Coda.org (coda.org) For co-dependent individuals.
• Adultchildren.org (adultchildren.org) For adult children of alcoholics and addicts.:

reference:

http://www.addictionsandrecovery.org/families-and-addiction.htm

FOR MORE ARTICLES SEE THE COLUMN AT THE 

RIGHT SIDE CORNER OF THE BLOG TITLE: 

ADDICTION AND RECOVERY  

ADDICTION AND RECOVERY - RESENTMENT LIFE SKILL 2

"Resentment is like taking poison

 and waiting 

the one you 

resent to die"

"How to Release and Prevent Resentment in Your Relationship

“Never apologize for showing feelings. When you do so, you apologize for the truth.” ~Benjamin Disraeli”

We often experience resentment toward other people when we find it hard to forgive them and hold onto unspoken pain.

Whenever we feel we’ve been treated unfairly, judged, or wronged, we have a very powerful internal reaction.

The emotions we experience are strong. We feel them intensely and deeply, because they challenge us to reassess the self-image we hold of ourselves.

The unexpressed painful emotions we experience as a result of other peoples’ actions have the potential to transform into resentment if they are not released in a healthy, effective, and timely way.

Resentment lives inside us, feeding on our negative feelings and emotions. It becomes stronger the longer it is ignored. It can mutate and develop into a warped veil, which prevents us from seeing the world from a healthy, balanced perspective.

If left unresolved, resentment has the power to be all consuming, and is very effective at fuelling anger.

In turn, unexpressed, internalized anger is a ticking time-bomb which can lead to abusive or self-destructive behavior, or a combination of both.

Resentment is a very personal and private emotion, as it has almost no effect on the person it is directed toward.

It resides with its owner, and causes negativity and pain.

Given a conducive set of circumstances and enough time, I can experience resentment on a powerful scale. I believe this is, in part, rooted in my formative years. I was brought up in a home where expressing strong, “negative” emotions was prohibited.

I grew up believing it was unacceptable to express hurt, disappointment, frustration, or anger toward the people who evoked these very emotions in me.

By the time I reached my teen years, I had unwittingly yet wholeheartedly perfected the internalization of painful emotions.

Resentment had found a comfortable home inside me, neighbored by my reluctance and fear of expressing myself.

Whenever anyone hurt me, intentionally or otherwise, I would simply deny my emotions by storing them in a box inside me labelled “deal with this later.” However, later never came. What did come was resentment toward the people who’d hurt me—that and anger.

At the time, I saw this as a kind of pay-off. “If I keep my feelings hidden and unexpressed, then I don’t have to risk jeopardizing the quality of my relationship with this person.”

In truth, I was terrified of rejection.

This fear fuelled my reluctance to express my pain to the people who’d hurt me. Ultimately, the person who I ended up hurting the most was me.

As a young adult I began to reflect; to try to understand how my behavior, reactions, and choices were affecting my overall well-being and happiness in life.

At first, I felt weak for not being able to consciously override my existing behavior patterns and simply create newer, healthier thought processes and actions.

I wanted more for myself than a life limited by my own self-imposed parameters.

It took a lot of honest and thoughtful self examination to begin to realize, understand, and accept what was preventing me from living a life free from bitterness.

After years of denying myself the full spectrum of my emotions, I resented anyone who stirred powerful, “negative” feelings inside me. My resentment toward others was intrinsically linked to my own inability to express painful emotions.

Looking back, I feel that if I had expressed myself more truthfully, I would not have clung so desperately to the resentment and anger. I also believe I would have welcomed forgiveness and been able to enjoycloser relationships with others more readily.

Everyone needs to express themselves. This is not a luxury; this is an absolute necessity.

To be fully free and completely ourselves, we must feel comfortable enough to outwardly express our emotions, whatever form they take.

If you are experiencing feelings of resentment, here are a few tips that may help you to let go and move forward:

Express yourself

When we deny our feelings, we are denying the truth. What kind of life are we living if we are not living truthfully?

Allowing ourselves to feel our full range of emotions is not only liberating and necessary, but it also helps cleanse us of negativity which we may be subconsciously holding on to.

Many of us are conditioned to see emotions as “good” and “bad.” To regard the complexity of emotions as either black or white belies the learning opportunities which are embedded and disguised in experiencing them.

For example, jealousy could be regarded as a “bad” emotion; however, if we open our minds and hearts, we could also see that this emotion is our own personal doorway to learning more about fear, trust, and connection.

When someone hurts us, intentionally or accidentally, we have a responsibility to ourselves to express our pain.

This needn’t be self indulgent or pitiful, but an understanding that it is our right to express that pain in an effective, healthy manner which helps us to let go and move forward.

The next time you experience a strong emotion such as fear, hurt, disappointment, anger, fury, or panic, try using this simple mantra:

“Right now I feel (INSERT EMOTION). I give myself permission to feel (INSERT EMOTION) because I have a right to express myself and my emotions.”

When we stop trying to control our feelings, and start embracing the colorful way in which our hearts communicate with us, life begins to teach us our most important lessons.

Communicate your feelings

It takes huge strength and courage to express and communicate our pain to the people who hurt us. In doing so, we expose our vulnerable side—the very part that we want to protect and keep safe.

But when we communicate painful emotions, we take a step outside of our comfort zone and into a wonderful learning and growth opportunity.

The next time someone’s actions hurt you, try telling them how you feel. For example, “When you raise your voice, I feel scared and disrespected,” or “When you ignore me, it makes me feel unappreciated.” Choose the right words to convey your feelings.

Try to express yourself from a calm and balanced frame of mind. Your words will have more effect if you are able to express them from a strong, healthy standpoint.

Remember that you are doing this for you. It may also help the relationship, but your main motivation for communicating and expressing your feelings is your commitment to living a truthful life, free from resentment.

Practice forgiveness

Forgiveness is your own personal honor. The ability to wholly and truly forgive is one of the greatest gifts you can ever give yourself.

Forgiveness sets you free from resentment’s confines; it breaks down the walls that anger builds and negativity reinforces.

When we forgive, we stop letting our pasts dictate our presents. We acknowledge we want the very best for ourselves; accepting that our past makes us the person we are today, and embracing that.

Letting go of resentment doesn’t necessarily lead to forgiveness, but when you embrace forgiveness, resentment ceases to exist.

When we commit to expressing ourselves fully, we become stronger, more confident, and more aware.

We cannot control what other people do, but we can control how we react. When we practice truthful living, self-expression, and forgiveness, resentment simply has no place or power in our lives."http://tinybuddha.com/blog/how-to-release-and-prevent-resentment-in-your-relationships/

reference:  

http://tinybuddha.com/blog/how-to-release-and-prevent-resentment-in-your-relationships/, date accessed 23 May 2015

Photo by Almonroth

23 May 2015

ADDICTION AND RECOVERY LIFESKILL 2 (b) - Serenity Prayer

This prayer has helped many to come out of difficult situations, illnesses, heartbreaks, and death of loved ones and in many critical crisis.  Even simple incidences like bad days at work, rude bosses, accidents etc.  

 f\Full version of this prayer also

Serenity prayer

Serenity prayer explained

Reference:

https://toweararainbow.wordpress.com/2014/11/05/the-serenity-prayer/, date accessed 23 May 2015

videos: youtube